Need Help Sorting Out What Just Happened a Few Days Ago?
This satirical post below, 9 Signs That You Just Had a Baby, has Amazon Affiliate Links. This means that I have recommended several products to get you through this foggy, overwhelming, full-of-love stage of life and have linked to them from Amazon. I receive a small percentage of each sale. Cheers mama!
Are you thinking that you recently had a baby, but you're not quite sure because you're in such a brain fog and emotional whirlwind that you cannot comprehend what you just endured at your local birthing center? Here are 9 Signs that yes, you did in fact, just have a baby.
1) There is now a 3rd human in your house (or 4th, 5th, 6th, or 7th....)
It's a strange phenomenon. If this is your first baby, it has most likely been just you and your sig other for a while. Maybe even a cat or a dog. And just the other day, there were still only two humans in your household. But now, there are 3. Even though we go through birth, and are actually present for the whole thing, going from a family of 2 to 3 is trippy. It just IS.
But now you have this new adorable little bundle that relies on you for everything. This is the first indication that yes, it is true, you did in fact just have a baby.
2) Your used-to-be baby bump is now just a sheet of loose fitting skin.
It's soft, squishy, and sways from side to side. The only option is to belly wrap in order to feel normal again. Just look at how this new mom does it! (Really, new mom, you're looking pretty darn great for just recently have pushing a baby out your vaghine! Side note: Where's your diaper?!)
3) Your new baby wears diapers, and so do you.
Even if you have a C-section, there is still a copious amount of after-birth goodies that continue to slide on out of you for a few weeks after coming home from the hospital. Maybe people warned you of this, but until you get to experience it for yourself, you are typically not prepared for what is to come. Here are a few products that can help you to get through this "interesting" phase:
Perineal Squit Bottle - Hopefully your hospital will send you home with one of these!
Mesh Underwear. The greatest invention of all time.
4) You no longer have the time or the need for putting on a shirt.
Why?! Why put one on? If you're trying to breastfeed, it is just going to come off again in 90 minutes.
Are house guests coming over? Most likely, you no longer care if you are "decent" or not. A funny thing happens after you have a baby. All you care about is doing the absolute necessities to stay afloat to care for your new baby. Shirts? Forgettabout em!
It wasn't until weeks later that I became hip to the nursing tank. Thank goodness for these contraptions!
5) Remember that pesky hospital photographer? You're all of a sudden thankful he/she was there!
Ours tried to come in seven times before it was finally an "okay" time. It was so hectic - people are in and out of your room around the clock. Our photographer came in, and I swore I was not going to buy these photos. Until I saw them a week later. I forked over that AMEX so quickly, because you know what? I just had a baby! I could not carry on without these photos in my life.
6) You need people to do things for you.
Were you once that independent woman who could do everything and anything for yourself, and you liked it that way? Now that you had a baby, I guarantee you would do anything to have the laundry moved along or the humidifier refilled. Take alllllll the help you can get. Although, there was this one time that my husband washed an entire bag of Buy Buy Baby clothing returns (because we either had doubles or I wanted a different size.) That was NOT the kind of help I was looking for!
7) You realize that REM Sleep is a thing of the past.
Do you remember that deep sleep cycle called REM? There is a chance that you experienced difficulties sleeping in the final trimester. I have heard this is to prepare us for what is to come once our baby arrives. Well, if you are only sleeping in 90-minute intervals, bye bye REM. I promise that YOU WILL SLEEP AGAIN! But lack of deep sleep is a sure sign that you just had a baby.
At the very least, get yourself a cooling sleep mask since you will find that you will need to try to sneak in a nap at any give moment, even if it is 1 pm in the afternoon.
8) Your house is a disaster, and you DGAF.
There's nothing you can do about it. You have new priorities now. If you have family that is constantly coming over and looking to help, ask them to help with organization. They most likely will want to help with the baby - but you darn well know that the best help would be surrounding doing the dishes or helping to put things away. Put the fam to work, and don't feel guilty about it!
9) You're more in love than you ever have been before.
Awwwww, total cheese. But total truth. Even in the pit of new motherhood - the diaper wearing, boob leaking, stomach skin swaying, no sleep zombie mom phase, I couldn't get enough of my new son. And it really is true that you forget it all and will most likely do it all again! But how hard can it be the second time around? After one, you're a pro, right?!